my poems never seem like poems till they are all done and writen

well since its been a long time running and i'm afriad
to admit that it shouldnt of been this long since i last
wrote a mind boggling poem for all your guilty eyes
and sinful minds to a late october day when i had to
pay a ticket for speeding and i might be going to jail
fucking government system but back on track i have
to be cause i have to get this shit off of my brain
freinds in trouble and trash talking every which way?
when will it end and everyone becomes freinds again
this fucking bullshit goes on all day and with me there
i always get put up as a mother fucking messager
and get the shaft end of it all and never get a break
from anypart of my life do to weird bitch parents
and theropist that say self mutalition is not the way
to go about stress releif what the fuck they know
their only recovering alcholics but back to this
its getting hard to focus now my thoughts are
getting un stable but i did just take more medication
but more then i should of oh and look a good 20
minutes later im back to focus and other the sorts
to find a razor and take another chance due
to family struggles and over looked views
to write a couple words into the skin in your
view that would not be the right way to
deal with this stress or do the things you
would do to that i say fuck you you dont
no the shit i will go through the lengths i will
go to see a slight smile appear on ur face
to get you yo laugh and let out all of ur depression
thats all i want and no one will see it
cause they all refuse and say im selfish and
just care about myself cause they wont look into
who i realy am and what i really do and
how i really do cae about everyone i meet
no matter how much of a asshole they act
toward me...but alas tonight might me the final
brawl of my mind and body and how to live on
3 sleeping pills 6 ritalin 2 perkicets and a 40 of
vodaka to wash it all down and then if im still
here after all of that i wont feel the pain of the
slicing around my neck andd slashing on my
wrists but be memorized by the blood and slowly
black out and die a solem cutters death